A Long December..

I haven’t written in a while. And for me, it’s kind of like exercise – once you take a little time off, it gets harder and harder to start it up again. But instead of feeling guilty or bad or whatever that I haven’t written, I should just do it. I know, I know…

I’m happy to report that the solstice has just passed (the true reason for the season, in my book) and that means that the universe is adding precious minutes of light each day. Thanks universe! I haven’t ridden my bike in way too long – since early November – and right now it’s parked out in the back shed, and for this I try not to feel guilty.. but that’s the way that one goes.

My household has been crazy. Both of my readers (haha) know that my dad fell in early November and broke his leg – he fractured the top of his femur where the bone goes into the hip socket. He had to have surgery and was in a rehab hospital for three weeks. He’s home now, and for this we are glad – he has very limited mobility and I have accepted that helping to take care of him has become my full time job. I resisted this for a while but now it just is the way it is. I wish on more than one level that it wasn’t.. but wishes don’t go to the pharmacy or dole out medication. Wishes don't go to the grocery store or make lunch. Nor do they hold hands. My father told me that he was sorry that I had to do this for him, but I told him not to be sorry because there is no one else in the world that I would rather help in this fashion. And that happens to be the truth.

Today my best friend from high school, Malinda, came to visit. She brought her two beautiful girls and we hung out for a few hours. It was great. I miss her so much. She and John made beautiful babies.

When they were getting ready to leave, I brought Gwen – the newborn – in to my father so he could say good bye. I looked at her perfect little baby feet and toes and looked up at my dad and thought to myself for a moment about what people call the circle of life. I know, it might be corny to read about.. even the fact that I’m committing these words to the page in this manner.. but I felt it. And at the same moment I felt what I can only describe as a crush. No, not the kind of crush that you get on someone you like, when you can’t talk to that certain someone let alone make eye contact - but rather as a crush of life.. the feeling is like experiencing great sorrow and joy and fear and love simultaneously. Even now, hours later, makes my head throb and my heart ache.

I’ve been freelancing for the past few months, which is neat. I’m writing for a publisher that prints a handful of monthly community news papers. Not ironically, it was my father and his illness that precipitated such events. As you might recall we went on a blimp ride in September and that’s how I met my editor. I was thrilled that my father and I shared the front page of that issue – his picture and the story about the blimp ride, and my first professional byline in NJ, just to the right of him. This is special to us. I’ve been working hard to do what I need to do around the house and write a few stories each month. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m trying.

At the end of every year since the Counting Crows produced Recovering the Satellites, I have placed special significance to the song "A Long December" - and believe me, it will be a Facebook status update at some point over these next waning days of 2009, because that’s how I do. This year, I attach the same meaning to it. All in all, 2009 wasn’t terrible for me. Yes, it had a few, short terrible moments like every year does.. but it was filled with good stuff as well. Moving back was hard but necessary. Leaving my friends and the life I built in Albany could only be made better by returning home and rekindling some old friendships that were placed on a shelf for a very long time as well as meeting some new people who I have already come to cherish. This trade off was capped by honoring my responsibility to my family because in return, I’ve learned so much more about my father and also myself.

Sure, I lost the dream job in Philly. That ranks up there in the top three shitty moments of 2009. I was bitter and self-deprecating about that for a while, but I’ve decided to look a little deeper beneath the surface. It was an incredible experience and opportunity, but it just wasn’t meant to be. I am very proud of the fact that the day I lost the job, I still pitched a story I was working on for their cover and they took it. This simple fact reminds me of my resilience, determination and drive.

In all of its’ gloom, I’ve realized that I am actually lucky to have had this opportunity to take care of my dad because so few people get to spend so much time with a parent who has a terminal illness. The value of the comfort I have been able to provide to both my father and my mother in this time cannot ever be matched by business cards, bylines or newspaper clippings. Period. I’ve embraced this path on which the universe has me set.

2010 is filled with uncertainty, perhaps amplified by events which took place in 2009, but there are a few things that I know.. I’ve learned a lot about myself this year. I’ve learned a lot about my strength and compassion. I’ve learned a lot about my own corporeal body and what I can push it to accomplish. I’ve learned about friendships which endure tests of time and distance. I’ve learned about life and death and what it means to truly love – both others and myself.

Over the course of Earth’s next solar orbit, I have some goals I would like to accomplish. I will not list them all here because I do not believe in resolutions but they include things like renewing travel plans with my nearest and dearest, starting (and hopefully finishing) my first book, completing a century ride on the bike (and finishing as strong as I start), and beginning a cancer fundraising campaign. Maybe I’ll even find love in there somewhere. It could happen.

My wish for you - both of you who might find time to read this - is that you give yourself the gift of time to reflect on the world around you, understand the bonds of commonality that should serve to bring us together instead of pull us apart, and realize the potential of what you have in your heart. Because life and death are beautiful - even if the former lacks the consistency of the latter.

This year may be drawing to an end, but the great cosmic cycle is pushing forward and once again adding minutes of precious daylight, tick by tick.

Thank you for reading and best wishes for a great next decade!

Does this blimp make my ass look fat?

Today, the Caperello family got the chance to share something totally unique – a ride on an airship. A blimp. It was freakin’ awesome.

The event, a birthday celebration for cancer survivors explained in my last post, was put on by the American Cancer Society (the official sponsor of birthdays) and Horizon Blue Cross & Blue Shield. My mom who works for ACS got an email from the event coordinator that some media would be present and wanted to interview my dad. The Ewing Observer is a local, monthly paper – the most recent edition came out yesterday, so it’ll be a while before we can read their account of today's happenings.

I said,"They want to interview you! That’s pretty cool, huh Pops?" His response was nonchalant.

“I’ll answer any questions they have," he said, "but I want them to know that every American deserves healthcare.”

Yes. My pop’s initial reaction was to use the publicity as a pulpit for the healthcare crisis. We wore matching red t-shirts that read, The healthcare crisis is a cancer crisis on one side and Make health insurance adequate, affordable, available, administratively simple on the other side.

I’m not entirely sure where Horizon stands on healthcare reform, but the reps there at Solebury Airfield couldn’t have been nicer. We won't see the article for some time to know if dad got his message out, but at a certain moment, it was all about the blimp, baby.

And that moment was right about here:


That's dad in the red.
Captain Terry (seen below) dropped some knowledge on me n moms while they had dad in the air with the reporter from the Ewing Observer.


Fun facts:

• There are 22 airships in the world, 3 are owned by Goodyear

• There is $50,000 worth of helium in that thar blimp

• This blimp has 2 pilots and a crew of 11 (Terry had the morning shift, so his partner or “line pilot” I believe he was called, is at the helm with my pops)

• Blimps don’t do snow or ice. After Sept 13 it’s going to its’ home in North Carolina. At 25 mph it takes about 12 hours to get where they have to go. I wouldn’t mind going for that ride if it was during the day and I had an appropriate amount of beer or scotch.

• On a scale of 1-10, ten being perfect – Terry rated today’s weather of 82-degrees and clear blue skies as an 11.

After a ten-minute ride they circled back to drop off the reporter (Diccon Hyatt is actually the community editor, but I digress) and pick up mom and myself.

I took an embarrassing amount of photos – the whole album will be up on Facebook shortly, but here are some of my favorites:


Pre-flight interview.


Maybe you can tell, maybe you can't - but the level of excitement is off the charts!


Momma & me: excited and nervous.


That's a propeller spinning around. It sounded like a mega-souped-up lawn mower.


The pilot steers the rudders with wheels on each side of his seat which makes him look a little like Joe from Family Guy. He doesn't look like he's going anywhere, but in fact, he is.


Two of my favorites: Round Valley Resevoir and Spruce Run in the distance.


The center gauge on the top row says we're at 1300 feet - the pilot says it's the perfect altitude for sight-seeing.


Airfield wildflowers.


Coming in for a landing!


Terra firma.

The wind was a little disconcerting. You could feel the airship being pushed by strong gusts. I've been parasailing before, but it's an entirely different effect. The feeling of lightly propelled floating at that altitude is unmatched.

Here is the bio of my dad that he and I wrote at ACS’ request:


Frank is 62 and has spent over 40 years working as an IT professional – and is very excited about this blimp ride! He loves the idea of simply being able to float above the Earth and look down. In a hot air balloon, he says, you’re at the mercy of the wind and might not be able to see something you’d like to, but in a blimp you have directionality in where you float. Airplanes move too fast at low levels to see anything and at higher altitudes, you can’t see anything because it’s too far away. He just thinks it would be a really neat thing to experience.

Frank has been fighting stage four metastatic pancreatic cancer since fall of 2007. It has been a tough journey thus far, but with total support from his family and friends, he refuses to give in and is hunkered down for the long haul. He’s also impressed by the spirit of those he has encountered at his various doctor’s offices and even his local pharmacy; finding that healthcare professionals and the people working with them have been extremely caring and loving individuals.

Frank is proud that the American Cancer Society the sponsor of his next birthday, October 8.


Yeah, my pops wasn’t just excited – he was thrilled. It felt so good to see that smile on his face.


That's our shadow, man. Far out.

By popular demand (I've always wanted to say that), you can click here to see the entire photo album.

Don’t call her a bitch

I’ve said it before – cancer is a bitch - but not only is the disease way worse than that, it actually gives a bad name to all the real bitches out there . I have a lot of strong-headed lady friends, so I know what I’m talking about in this department.

I found Livestrong by accident. I was on a page, trying to measure out how far I went on one of my first rides this summer when there was an ad banner for the Livestrong Challenge in Philly. “Go ahead, pick a fight” it read. Sure, I had heard of Lance Armstrong, his foundation and I had definitely seen those ubiquitous yellow bracelets floating around, but I always thought it was some elitist jock thing – a club to which I would never belong. But something compelled me to click on that link and read more about the LS Challenge, and LAF itself. I joined livestrong.com (different from the .org) and created a profile – using it to help me lose some weight and get into shape.

There were different length rides to choose from, but I was still riding my boys’ size mountain bike at the time and had never ridden with a group before, so I was a little intimidated about signing up to ride – but I did see that they needed volunteers. I saw that as my opportunity to get involved and contribute to something that I so believed in. My pops is fighting cancer, and I was doing it just as much for him as for myself. You see, I am my father’s daughter to a “T” (is that how you write that?) and with the medical history of my family, I have to be very careful.

I signed up for a few shifts on Friday and on Sunday, the day of the ride itself. I showed up on Friday to help assemble the goodie bags that participants would get upon check in with some coupons, trial products and advertisements from big sponsors. The volunteer coordinator, I think her name was Lindsay, was organizing two tables of mostly moms and kids who were working in an assembly line – each one adding a new piece to the stack and passing it down. Since I didn’t bring anyone with me, I volunteered to be the one cleaning up garbage and restocking cards and supplies to each of the two assembly stations as they needed it. It worked out perfectly because I am skilled at opening and breaking down boxes with pocket knives and didn’t have to be sandwiched between two kids who would wonder who the hell this beefy lady was and why she didn’t know anyone.

Also, I got this awesome t-shirt (also pictured above)which had to be washed because it was a million degrees out on Friday and I was running around and sweating my buns off, and I had to wear this shirt on Sunday:

I got to PowerStop #2 on Sunday about a half-hour later than I was supposed to (if you know me, you know that this is par for the course) but lucky for me, the ride actually started later than scheduled and I didn’t miss anything. Of course, being late also meant that I had no idea what I was supposed to do and too embarrassed to ask anyone. Did I mention that I was late because I was partying the night before and was hung over? Way to Livestrong, Cattio, I thought to myself, and desperately wished that I got more coffee.. I was alone again and didn’t know why I was here.
PowerStop #2 was one of eight total stops on the 100 mile ride where riders could come in, stop at a portapotty, grab a bite to eat, drink, (not necessarily in that order) bring their rig over to a mechanic or see someone at the medic tent for a wrap or some Bengay.

The stop I was stationed at (click here for the course map) was located right before the route splits off, and if you’re on your way back, right after it comes back together. It was located on a gradient, which means that on your way into the course, you were going uphill, on your way back from the course, you had to cross traffic on the downhill to get into the stop.

The folks who gathered at this stop cheered like hell when they saw the first chunk of riders to come up the hill. I was clapping, still hung over, not much for yelling or cheering yet. After a small pile up right at the mouth of the stop, one of the volunteers began directing traffic to get riders to go up and park their bikes at the rack instead of just stopping in the travel lane. For more than afew minutes, it was absolute mayhem.

After the knot of riders thinned out, the woman who was directing traffic needed to go do something else, so someone asked me to step in.

“Are you working here?” she asked.

“In theory,” I replied.

She explained what I needed to do and I went out and cured my hangover with heat, sun and soon – screaming. It didn’t take long for me to find a groove here. I realized that this would be the last rest stop for riders on their way down to the finish, and for most of them it was a hilly, ugly course. (For accounts of the ride itself, visit FatCyclist – Elden, aka Fatty, is an amazing writer and I have been following his blog for a few months now.)

The lady who was running the show (I think her name was Maureen) over there was from UPenn, they sponsored the PowerStop. She wondered how I, completely alone, came to volunteer at their stop. I just picked something off the list, I said. She smiled with surprise and said she was happy to have me.

I thought everyone could use a cheerleader at this point. I clapped so much, so hard that the next day the knuckles on the palm of my left hand were swollen and painful to the touch. I yelled so much, things like, “good job, rider! keep it going, rider! come on in, rider!” anything to keep these guys and gals encouraged.. I recognized some people coming down who I saw going up, someone wearing an Eagles jersey who was really a Giants fan (poor guy, I asked him if he lost a bet, oddly he said no). I saw a bike messenger sporting a full beard, sporting his Chrome messenger bag – looking fully out of place amidst a sea of bright colored spandex and lycra.. When I saw him coming back down I pointed and yelled, “yeah! there’s my messenger!” and the biggest smile unfurled across his face.

I also pissed off some locals. See, coming back down was really dangerous for these guys because they had to cross traffic on a hill, so I got out in the middle of the road with my hand up to oncoming traffic until a line of riders passed or ducked into the PowerStop. One lady who was trying to get in to see her son as he passed almost ran over myself and a guy named Dan who was helping me – her Volvo barreled right over the orange cones we had set out on the grates at the mouth of the entrance, a cone got wedged up under her bumper and it took a few minutes for a volunteer to dislodge the thing. She crushed the cup of water I had sitting there on the asphalt. I was happy it wasn’t myself, Dan or a rider she decided to run over. By the way, her son didn’t show up at the stop for another 40 minutes or so, so she stood there, eyeing up the road – I hope she was embarrassed – she could’ve killed someone.

The whole time leading up to the Livestrong Challenge I was thinking, I’ll volunteer this year and ride next year. I thought that I would love to be able to pick a fight with cancer by rocking the century. Except something changed my mind: riders were saying thank you. A lot of them. “Thank you for being here,” they would say. “Thank you for volunteering.” and I said, “you’re doing all the heavy lifting, thank you for riding.” I think I might continue to volunteer next year – do the exact same thing I did this year because by the end of the day, not only was I pretty damn good at it, but I realized it was one of the most rewarding things I’ve done in a long time.