thawing the ice

i can't believe that i haven't written since january! that is both sad and embarassing. lots of stuff has been happening, none of it very condusive to writing - but that is something i really need to work on, and not only because of this venue.

i've been working, got a day job in customer service for a medical device company but havent freelanced since then - so i guess it's technically just a job and not a "day" job.

also, i started dating someone who is pretty amazing. who knew that could happen?

anywho - remember how excited i got over passing the winter soltice back in december? well imagine the glory i feel basking in the glow of an extra hour of daylight each day. that's right. the days are almost as long as they should be and spring is in the air. ahhhh. yes, i've been waiting.

i pulled my bike out of the shed last weekend, freshened up the air in the tires and stretched my legs for a bit. lisa met me in ewing and we drove up to washington's crossing and took the canal path for a bit. it was the first decent day in a while but the trail was still muddy and we rode through some snow in parts, which was cool. made me feel all rugged n shit.

now that the days are officially longer and the weather is warming, i'm just itching to be on the bike more often and have to make time for that... which brings me to my next point - this week i'm planning on commuting to work via pedal power. i absolutely hate the car commute, and my job is only 9 miles via backroads from my gf's apartment in hamilton - so i'm all about it. i'm a little nervous about it, but i think it's going to be good and i'm really excited to give it a shot. the commute is much further from ewing - just over 15 miles. which is actually do-able, but the route needs to be tested and timed.. and then there's always the prospect of getting home at night - being tired in the dark is only half the concern.. crappy or distracted drivers are the other half..

oh - also, one month ago i was in new orleans for fat tuesday. first of all, let me tell you that though the trip itself was amazing(!), here is not the forum for such expression. rather, i'm writing a few words about how i have not yet written any words regarding this. i plan a post later this week about nola bike-luv in all it's various forms. i just wanted to let you know that i haven't forgotten.

ok. i'm going to wish you all a happy spring - we've made it through yet another winter and it's time to thaw out, warm up, and get friggin going.

Gays: Let them have wedding cake!

Yesterday the New Jersey State Senate rejected a bill which would have extended marriage equality to same-sex couples. To say that I was disappointed is an understatement. This is an issue that strikes close to home for me, and it affects my family and many close friends in profound ways.

I’ve engaged in civilized debate with other Jerzians via comments on mutual friends Facebook pages, but have never said anything cohesive on the topic – at least since my community college days up in New York when I had to give a ten minute persuasive speech for my public speaking class and chose marriage equality as my preferred topic. I graduated with a 4.0 gpa. I digress.

While the defeat was expected, it has still stirred emotions in the form of deep frustration which bubble into anger like a pot brought to a rolling boil – like the soup I’ve been cooking all day. Again, I digress.

Shirley, you can’t be serious.

I am a constituent of Senator Shirley Turner. I wanted to call her office today to ask why she cast her vote the way she did, but considering that Trenton Times got a prepared statement back in their request for comment, I figured who would explain her actions to lil old me? Technically, I’m only a voter anyway.

“I believe in the definition of marriage as a legal union of a man and a woman as husband and wife,” said Turner in the statement.

I do not believe this traditional definition should apply moving forward. Certainly, you can look back 20 years, 200 years or 2000 years and might find marriage the same throughout this time – but slavery was also a tradition for a long period of this time, was that right? No. Clearly. There was also a time when women were burned at the stake or stoned to death in the street.

Not too terribly long ago wives were seen as the property of their husbands. Wasn’t a dowry negotiated between the father of the bride and groom because of the exchange of property which was taking place? This was also tradition. And what of the words 'bride' and 'groom' themselves? I think horses wear bridles, and the people who lead them from place to place with the bit in their mouths might be grooms.

Now Americans celebrate marriage as a union of mutual choice. Societies have the ability to discard tradition and should do so when it unfairly disenfranchises a minority.

“I believe my support for civil unions makes it clear that I support full civil rights for same-sex couples,” the senator’s statement continues.

Except that civil unions do not convey the same rights as marriage and they never will. I don’t mean the fuzzy ‘love’ stuff - and I don’t mean that the LGBT community is frustrated that they aren’t allowed to simply use the words of ‘marriage’ and ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ as it applies to their relationship with their partners. No, that’s not what this fight is about. It’s about the 1500 (if my recollection is correct, I don’t feel like looking it up right now) laws and rights bestowed by the federal government to which only married couples are entitled.

Things like taxes, health insurance and next-of-kin rights which are easily attainable by almost any two schmucks with opposite sexual organs but instead cost same-sex couples thousands upon thousands of dollars in attorney fees to draw up legal documents to produce the same affects. (And you better hope they’re air-tight should someone challenge you on the legality of your partnership.)

The rights of a marriage are recognized across state lines – oh wait, except for that pesky DOMA legislation from the 90's which clearly violates the ‘full faith and credit’ clause of the US Constitution.. but let’s ignore the existence of DOMA for a moment so that I may posit a hypothetical situation:

You reader, assuming you enjoy the intimate company of the opposite sex, and your spouse are on a cross-country road trip or are heading down from the latte-drinking liberal bastions of the northeast for a holiday in Florida, and get into a car accident in say, Kansas or South Carolina, and one of you winds up in the hospital… If you only have a civil-union and the health care working attending to you or your loved one chooses to challenge the legitimacy of your relationship – you or your spouse may be unable to make choices for each other and/or kicked out of the hospital room.

Of course, that would never happen to you because you’re both of the opposite sex. Could you imagine if you were asked to produce your marriage license or certificate before a doctor or nurse would confer with you about the status of your loved one or the treatment they would want to receive? It just doesn’t work that way for straight couples – your word and the appearance of bands on your right ring fingers need be the only proof.

Now imagine that you’re sitting at your same-sex partners’ bedside in an emergency room somewhere in over 40 states and try to comprehend the fear that the next person who pulls back the curtain can tell you to leave, just because they disagree with the simple fact of who you both are and whom you both choose to love. Unless you’ve been in that position, you cannot fathom what that fear might feel like. I wish Senator Turner could walk in these shoes.

Yes, at the moment there is still DOMA to contend with – but without a trend of victories on the state-level there will be no movement of the federal government.

So, no, Shirley – your support of civil unions does not speak for itself because a civil union will never convey the same rights as recognized with proper marriage. You can’t fix a civil union to do so – it’s a nice gesture, but it’s fundamentally broken.

Jesus was a liberal.

Senator Turner is a Baptist and her church is very anti-gay. She cites her religious faith as another reason why she cast her ‘Ney.’ I respect that people have their various beliefs. Such personal beliefs, even for non-believers, are like opinions and assholes – everyone has them. But that doesn’t mean that I should have to live by yours just as you should not have to live by mine. That’s the beauty I see in the First Amendment. Your freedom to practice your religion is my freedom from your religion. We are both equally entitled.

The legislation as proposed in New Jersey held an exemption for religious institutions. Read: your church or synagogue would not be forced to marry queers if it conflicts with your dogma.

But what’s more important, in my humble opinion, is three-fold:

1) Once marriage became an institution licensed by the state, it ceased to be valued in only religious terms. This is secular marriage. If two people are wed by a justice of the peace, it carries the same rights and recognitions as two people who also get that license and are married by a religious leader or figure. Conversely, if two people are wed in a church with no state license, it’s a beautiful commitment to each other and a promise made before their God, but it doesn’t mean squat to the government. Period.

2) Why in the world would a loving God, again assuming that you believe in that sort of thing, not value the commitment of two consenting adults? I will not get into the essence of my religious beliefs here (although you are free to communicate with me if you are curious or would like to engage in civilized conversation or debate) but I believe that Jesus was a liberal and would support marriage equality. Just as he would support universal health care – but that’s a post for another time.

3) Though it is not a phrase written in the Constitution, the ‘separation of church and state’ has been a guiding principle in the United States since the beginning of our great nation. I do not begrudge anyone their religious beliefs, but when your religious institution impacts my political and secular rights, it should cease to be entitled to tax-exempt status.

Civil Rights issues take courage.

In an article last month, it was claimed that Turner said that blacks have not yet achieved full equality.

What full equality is missing here? Turner is black and she serves in a position of great power in this state. The President of the United States of America is black and he’s arguably the leader of the free world. How do we gauge equality or lack-thereof? Where is the finish line?

Some people don’t think that the struggle for equality that people of color have engaged in can ever be compared to by the LGBT community. But I don’t like to play the “who has suffered more” game because the struggle for minority rights is not a contest. Nobody wins.

Some people have argued that a question of this importance should be put to the people of the great state of New Jersey (it would be a non-binding referendum, but act as a measuring stick for the legislature). I have a problem with this. You do not put civil rights issues to a majority-rule decision. If you had done that less than a hundred years ago, women would not have the right to vote. If you had done that in the 60's, Jim Crow would still be the law.

I do not believe that legislators should always vote as they please. They’re not our care-takers, they are our representatives. But it’s a fine line to walk, especially when the issue does not have any actual impact on opponents of marriage equality. If you don’t like gay marriage, then don’t get one. It’s as simple as that.

Never in our history, except prohibition which was later repealed, has work been done to contract rights and liberty. The move has always been made for expansion. It’s moments like this which are an opportunity for our legislators because it takes great courage to be leaders and stand up for what’s right, even when it makes others uncomfortable.

During their debate yesterday, African-American Senators Gill and Cunningham, both female, invoked legendary civil rights issues. At one point during her comments, Gill said that without the courage of past legislatures to enact widespread civil rights laws like universal suffrage and the like - “we would not be here [in this room] today.” Later, Cunningham respectfully disagreed, saying, “we would be here, but we’d be sweeping the floor.”

Shame on Senator Shirley Turner, for having such a short memory.

I’m sorry if the idea of same-sex marriage makes you uncomfortable. I’m sorry for you, might be the better way to phrase it. The world is evolving.



There are many more facets to this issue, but if I wrote on all of them this post would be way longer than I intended it. I may add things here over the next few days or write additional posts on the topic all together.

If you have any comments, I encourage you to post them as long as they are civilized. This blog is a dictatorship, not a democracy – so please be respectful.

NOLA-bound and determined.

Resolutions be damned!

Alright, alright, alright! All the morning TV this week has been talking about “new year, new you” – now, I’ve established that I’m not the girl who believes in new year’s resolutions.. Resolutions are made to be broken, in my opinion and experience. But it’s okay if you do the whole resolution thing because, let’s face it: this is a time of renewal whether it be cosmic, earthly, physiological or just calendar-y.

The excitement of the holidays is fading away but the results of two weeks of starchy, fatty foods, sugary treats and mass alcohol consumption is the gift that keeps on giving.. and the smaller jeans I managed to squeeze into back in October are not feeling that great right now. It’s been easy for me in the past to just remain in this self-induced coma well into March.. Maybe it was because in Upstate NY you face the grim, gray reality that winter actively lasts this long.. but I’m not in Albany anymore. So, no - not this time, not this year, not this decade.

Work to do.

I have some fitness goals this year, some might seem simple to many.. such as being able to do ten proper pushups and ten proper pull ups. Confession: I’ve never been able to do an actual pull up. In those presidential fitness tests back in the day, the gym teacher just let me do an arm hang and I held on for maybe 2 seconds. While I was strong like bull and played sports in high school, I’ve always just felt bad about my lack of physical fitness and ran away from the challenge instead of working towards improvement. It was the only running I did.

Some of my other goals are a touch more complex. It’s no secret or surprise that I want to train for the bike so that I can ride a century and finish strong.. but how? While I’ve got some things planned for the gym that will build strength and endurance – I won’t bore you with the details. Not yet anyway.


The other night I committed to the Pound for Pound Challenge sponsored by the Biggest Loser. My goal is to lose 40lbs by their deadline of June 30th. It’s totally do-able and will certainly help me with everything I aim to accomplish. But let it be said: I’m very good at procrastination. I excel at it actually! The idea of going to the gym for generic weight-loss or to train for a far-off ride (we’re looking at autumn here) is not very enticing. I don’t have the gear or motivation necessary for cold-weather rides - not to mention the thought of dodging discarded Christmas trees and piles of leaves which still litter street shoulders also leaves something to be desired.

Valentine’s Day

So, how do I motivate myself to work towards all these goals I’ve set when it’s so much easier during these early winter months of 2010 to just stay cozy and occupied with other stuff? That’s the hard part about setting goals and resolutions – it’s easy to lose steam after a few weeks or even a few days of gung-ho excitement. Instead I want to focus on breaking off chunks – setting smaller goals which are attainable where I can see success and work to stay on track.

The next big event I’m looking forward to is a trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras with a few of my best friends. This is a vacation to which we are all looking forward. It’s my third voyage to the Big Easy but my first as a rider. While it’s optimal to explore the French Quarter on foot, I thought about seeing the city from two-wheels. The time we’re there includes Valentine’s Day, which falls on a Sunday this year, and I had the instant spark of celebrating two great loves in my life with a long ride in NOLA.

I found, via Google, the New Orleans Bicycle Club. NOBC looks serious. They’re racers and what not, but I contacted one of the members via Facebook (isn't technology amazing?) and told him of my designs. He replied right away and gave me some thoughts to chew on regarding routes and other considerations.

Now I have work to do and decisions to make but I’m so psyched. This dovetails nicely with my goals because I want to be in good enough shape to experience and enjoy a 30-40 mile ride right smack in the middle of an already kick-ass vacation. Our trip is only five weeks away and this gives me something to look forward to besides eating amazing food in a city I’ve come to love.

I’ll leave it at this: this light bulb moment has found me both motivated and excited! I simply cannot wait to get going.


“incantation replaced resolution and we vowed to allow each perfection that we could be”
~from ‘red letter year’ by ani difranco